Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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