I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
