dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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