All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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