just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
