After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
