The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
