Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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