I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
