HIV tests are more positive than that guy
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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