I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
