Three words: puerto rican gang bang
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
