were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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