So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
There r osticjed everywhere
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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