i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
