I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
