i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
