Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
