i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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