i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
