My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
it glows. i had to have it.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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