The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
