You're my little dorito
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
