So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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