OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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