So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
