How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
