Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
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It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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