I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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