You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
