Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
