I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize