And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
