im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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