I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
