i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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