Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
