my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
