Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
