i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
