Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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