I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
