I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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