in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It's just like the Real World with babies
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
