I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
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Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
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Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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