I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
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I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
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It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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