You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
