yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
