if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
