My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
