Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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