Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
