You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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