Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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