when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
