I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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