he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
