ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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