my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
only you would photoshop your dick
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
PS: I just woke up from my shower
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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