Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
