I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
