dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
