My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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