my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
