He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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