I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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