my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
