Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
