Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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