when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
