Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
