I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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