You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
and she was petting her beer can
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Randomize
