I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
