we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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