its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
