Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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